Ahead of his return to Edinburgh this August we chat to comedian Carl Donnelly about his time at this year’s Glastonbury festival, ruining Usher’s chances with the ladies and why he used to constantly spread rumours that Bruce Springsteen had died…
Carl Donnelly
How was Glastonbury?
It was the longest four days of my life. It was also one of the most fun four days I’ve ever had. It is still the best festival in the world by a country mile!
What would you say are the essentials for the first time festival-goer?
A big tent (one that you can walk into rather than crawl), obscene amounts of alcohol, wellies and a silly hat!
What’s been your most memorable festival experience – music, comedy or otherwise?
I tend not to remember most festivals as I get a bit carried away, but one thing that happened this Glastonbury will stay with me. Myself and four friends in a particular bout of late night silly drunkenness scaled one of the lighting rigs that held the spotlights aimed at a stage where a DJ was playing. We then took control of the light and began moving it on to drunk people that were in the field in front of the DJ. We managed to get away with it for about 15 minutes before security got involved and we had to make a dash for it.
Your Edinburgh show this year is ‘Carl Donnelier’! What’s that all about?
It is still pretty early in the preview stage so is not about anything as yet. I tend to write onstage so the show builds as the previews go on. If the early ones are anything to go by, it will involve a lot of dance based material and a story about the time I was involved in an impromptu bus hijacking in South London!
When you’re not on stage what will you be getting up to in Edinburgh in August?
Late drunken nights are a given in Edinburgh so I like to chill out as much as possible in the daytime before my show. Myself and the comedian Chris Martin tend to play a lot of pitch and putt golf at the Bruntsfield Links (on the Meadows) in the afternoons to get our heads back together after a late night.
You’ve told the story of a stripper asking you to tell a joke while she was dancing for you. Have you had any tougher gigs since? Or did that harden you (pardon the pun) profoundly?
Most comics would probably pick a particularly rowdy gig as their toughest but I would rather a rowdy crowd over a quiet one any day of the week. My toughest gig came just after Edinburgh last year when I was asked to perform at a conference for people that worked in the winter maintenance industry (I didn’t know what it meant either). It was basically 80 or so middle aged men who are in charge of road salting for local councils (awesome!).
I don’t think I have a target demographic but if I did, these people would definitely not be it! I contractually had to talk for 30 minutes to get paid and can confirm that in that time I got one laugh which was when I wrapped it up.
I also had to stay in the same hotel as the people so checked out in the morning in disguise but was recognised in the lift when a man said to me “I’ve seen some comedy before but have never seen anyone do that badly”. It was a low point!
Has anything topped you witnessing a man being hit in the face with a lettuce? If not what’s come close?
At Glastonbury, I saw an incredible piece of instant karma. When the mud was at its worse, I saw two guys wading through it when one of them thought it would be funny to push his friend over. He did it, then laughed and turned around only to trip over a bin, hit another bin and fall face first into the side of a third bin. It was a beautiful site!
What’s the weirdest dream you’ve ever had?
I recently had a dream that I went to a nightclub with Usher and spent the night annoying him by ruining his attempts at chatting up women. He was not happy with me.
What’s the biggest and best lie you’ve ever told? How far did it go?
At college there were a handful of us that would regularly spread rumours about famous people dying. This was before everyone had mobile phones and could easily check so it was much easier to spread them without anyone actually being able to prove it wrong. I think we used to spread that Bruce Springsteen had died at least once a quarter and it would still spread around the entire college!
What’s the oddest review you’ve had about your stand up?
Last year, a reviewer got particularly annoyed about my habit of laughing at my own jokes which I found odd. They were basically getting angry about me enjoying the gig which I genuinely can’t help as it is my default setting. If I ever get to the point when I am bitter and jaded and not enjoying it then maybe i’ll stop laughing but, until then, I would advise that reviewer to give my show a miss. I’d like to find out who it was and if they were coming to the show again. Then on that day I would also give myself rounds of applause just to see how annoyed I could make them!
Who/what made you go for it in a stand up career?
I think it was a mixture of luck and necessity. I was 21, had no direction and no degree or experience to guide me into a career that wouldn’t make me want to kill myself. Then I went to a live stand-up show for the first time and that changed everything. On that night I decided it was what I was going to do so I spent the next eighteen months going to comedy to learn more and more about it. Then I finally built up the courage to do my first gig and the rest, as they say, is history!
If you could bring back any TV show what would it be?
It’s A Knockout. I think it was pretty much perfect Saturday afternoon viewing. If they brought it back, I wouldn’t have to watch Total Wipeout to get my fill of members of the public falling over while dizzy!
Who should win The Apprentice?
I haven’t watched it since the first series so have no idea. Can he not just give that old guy who sits next to him a promotion rather than giving a job to one of the halfwits that go on the show. That guy must be about 80 yet Alan makes him run around after a bunch of twats and report back on what they get up to!
Finish the sentence: ‘The best thing about being a stand-up is…’
I get to wear a dressing gown until the early evening on a weekday if I feel like it!
Carl Donnelly can be found making people laugh at The Dairy Room – Underbelly Pasture, Bristo Square, in Edinburgh all throughout August. www.carldonnelly.co.uk
