There, intro done. Currently on tour with his Turn of the Century show, Dan spared some moments to talk to Comedy Central and answer some extremely serious questions. Enjoy!
You’ve previously won the funniest joke award at the Fringe. Are the hedgehogs constantly on your mind? Where’s your Perspex elephant award right now?
I think of nothing but hedgehogs – this is a recognised condition now though in the 1970′s I dare say you’d have been called ‘dyslexic’. My perspex elephant lives on Perspex Shelf in my study with his several friends. He feigns egalitarian sentiments but I see right through him.
A few years ago you wrote a song called ‘Babies are c*nts’ – have you had time to reflect on this or are your feelings as strong as ever?
When my bleary former self wrote that lyric in the first shocks of relentless, relentless parenthood, he knew nothing of the c*ntpower of the four-year-old, whose iron will and short-termist mania call derail any itinerary.
What’s the silliest thing you’ve ever overreacted to?
You have NO right to ask me that, NO right you NAZI!
What’s the funniest thing you’ve witnessed in public (i.e. on public transport/in a park etc.)?
I saw a middle-aged woman on all fours barking like a dog. The tube carriage were ignoring her. She was clearly mentally ill. Ohhh the funniest I thought you said the most disturbing.
GENERIC QUESTION ALERT: What’s the worst gig you’ve ever done?
Hemel Hempstead c.2002. It was so awful that when I attempted to get the audience to close their eyes as part of a desperate conceptual improvisation, one woman refused and when I asked why, said “Because you’ll run out the back!” The venue technician described the proceedings in a long, eloquent letter to my agency – I still have it somewhere – and no fee was paid to this artist that day.
Who’d win in a cage fight between you and Charlie Sheen and why?
In all modesty, I am younger than him plus his bigamous commitments will have drained his chi. Anytime Mr Sheen, polish vs. Polish, anytime.
If you could ask anyone from history any question and they had to tell the truth who would you choose and what would you ask?
I would ask Neville Chamberlain if he regretted never learning the bass clarinet.
What’s the weirdest dream you’ve ever had?
I dreamt that men were judged by the content of their character. It was awful – the whole judiciary seized up.
You’re recognised for pushing the comedy boundaries. How far do you think you can push them?
I have a different approach to boundaries now – instead of pushing them I gently twang them and set them resonating – a lattice of unsaids shimmers around us – then I bring the knobgags. But my interest was always in formal boundaries – what could still be made to ‘work’ as ‘standup’ even if only to some of the people, some of the time? The contemporary obsession is with ‘taste boundaries’ – sleepy people think they are diminished by rude words or ugly thoughts when really they are just being prodded awake – not to consensual truth but to their own opinion. Woooaaaaaah.
What can we look forward to in your current tour?
Bah after all that theory it’s just some jokes about things. I do a song about overfeeding a fish and a rap in praise of my domestic laser. There are charts, which I have chosen to draw on expanding photographic reflectors – they sproing out very pleasingly, very pleasing sproing there. Mainly I slag off my kids.
Finish the sentence: ‘The best thing about being a stand-up is…’
The bewildering range and reassuring ubiquity of microwaveable pasties across our nation’s motorway network.
Dan Antopolski is performing at Campus West Theatre, Welwyn Garden City on April 1st, Oxford Glee Club on April 14th, Birmingham Glee Club on April 15th, Colchester Arts Centre on April 17th, MAC Theatre, Birmingham on May 5th. For full tour dates see Dan’s website