5 Minutes with…Alun Cochrane

Lover of suits, friend of Michael McIntyre and foe of messy fruits, Alun Cochrane has steadily been making an impression on the stand-up circuit since his first Edinburgh show back in 2004.

Alun is on tour right now with his 'Jokes. Life. And Jokes About Life' show

So in the classiest of snappy interviews, Alun talks to Comedy Central about nappies, getting your 5-a-day and why he made a man vomit…

If you could pitch anything in the Dragon’s Den what would it be?

I like the idea of a driving nappy for when you don’t want to pull in on the motorway just for a pee- it’d probably be called ‘the Drappy’ A clever blending of the words ‘driving’ and ‘nappy’. But perhaps normal people drive less than me or enjoy their motorway breaks more?

What’s your one vice?

Pissing myself in my car because I can’t face stopping on the motorway…  I question the idea I only have one vice, what if i have two, or three? I haven’t, I’m really boring, but I don’t think having strangers limiting my vices is a good idea.

What’s the funniest thing you’ve seen recently?

My 3 year old son remove his t-shirt and start to dance in the living room when Strictly was on. Just properly lovely and funny simultaneously.

What has been the highlight of your career so far?

I was pretty happy on my last tour when I was so funny I made a man puke Guinness down his T-shirt. That is funny. If someone spits crisps out during your set you are funny, but puke on a t-shirt means you are really funny.

And the lowlight?

Any show that doesn’t end in puke is now a failure I’m afraid.

Tell us something about you that you’ve not told anybody…

I find questions like this weird.  I have never told anyone that…‘till now.

Have you had any more ‘fruit on modes of transport’ run ins lately?

I told a story on Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow about a man eating a peach on a train, and actually on the tour I’m doing now I have a small bit about a woman on a tube with a banana. I think that the 5-a-day message is getting through.

Finish the sentence: ‘The best thing about being a stand-up is…’

Being able to join the ranks of the few people in history who are called comedians. When we registered our son’s birth it said Father’s Occupation: Comedian. I am really proud of that. Even if I stopped now, it says Comedian. I love that. It isn’t always easy, but it is what I am.

Alun Cochrane is currently on tour with his brand new show Jokes. Life. And Jokes About Life, which ends on 5 December. Visit www.aluncochrane.co.uk for details.