Just before he scoots off on his nationwide tour, Comedy Central managed to grab 5 minutes with the comedian thatâ€™s on everyoneâ€™s lips (not literally â€“ thatâ€™d be weird and impossible) â€“ Mark Watson!
We find out what heâ€™d do if he were Derren Brown for the day, if heâ€™ll ever do anymore 24 hour shows again and, more importantly, if he owned a chip shop, what it would be calledâ€¦
You’re seven months into your ten year blog. What would it take for you to miss a day?
Probably a fatality. Or if I was called upon to put out a fire or something else pressing. Or, one day I might just forget, I guess.
When was the last time you laughed ’til you nearly peed?
I don’t laugh out loud that often, and I have decent bladder control, so this is a tricky question. It would probably be when me and my brother and sisters ran a half-marathon recently. We all got slightly hysterical the night before as we were trying to eat about eight bowls of pasta each. Or ‘carbo-loading’ as it’s known by us experts.
Will you be resurrecting your marathon shows ever again?
I don’t know. They’re great fun (for some of the 24 hours, at least), but the downside is, I’m nearly dead by the end.Â And quite a few people have ‘borrowed’ the idea so it’s not quite as special now. I wouldn’t completely rule it out, though…
If you could be Derren Brown for the day what would you do?
Can I be him? Please can I?Â I’m not sure what I’d actually do. He has an amazing flat, so I’d probably hang out there for a bit. Then maybe around lunchtime I’d launch an incredible but fast mind-control trick that would pay off around teatime. Mid-afternoon I’d do some of that ‘putting people to sleep’ trick he does, to see what it feels like. Before leaving his life, I’d try to put everything back just the way it was.
If you could be invisible for the day or be a woman for the day which would you choose and why?
Wow, what a question. Of course, feminists would say being invisible is the same thing as being a woman in certain cultures. Satire!!
This is a tough call but I think I’d have to go for invisibility. Because being a woman isn’t THAT different from being a man in a lot of ways – it’d be fun sitting downÂ to wee, but I could do that now if I wanted to. Whereas being invisible, I think we can all agree, would be a big change. I think I’d be psyched out by it though, and waste a lot of time not quite wanting to touch anything in case I suddenly became visible again.
Have you ever or do you regularly Google yourself?
I try hardly ever to do it, because there’s every chance someone will have written something nasty which by some quirk comes upÂ straight away on the search. Very occasionally I will do a Google image search to see if those naked pictures have turned up yet.
What’s been your most humiliating experience?
Appearing on certain panel shows.
What’s the most embarrassing fashion item you own? Do you still wear it?
I had a pair of yellow-brown cords which went down very badly with my wife, but she made me throw them away. In fact I’ve purged my clothes quite brutally over recent years so I don’t have anything too embarrassing. I suppose my Bristol City shirt is a bitÂ embarrassing, the way we’ve started the season.
What would you call your fish and chip shop? (You can’t use ‘Thank Cod its FryDay!’)
Oh can’t I? Well I wasn’t going to anyway, so there. Um. I think I’ll go nice and simple. ‘Mark Watson’s Fish Palace’. Or maybe ‘The Chips Are Down’. Or, no, ‘Hot Chip’. After the band. Thank you.
Finish the sentence: ‘The best thing about being a stand-up is…’
…worldÂ travel,Â having people listen to you, and being a sex symbol.’
Describe your tour in three words.
PrettyÂ bloody long.
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Mark begins his â€˜Do I Know You?â€™ UK tour on 5th October at Leicesterâ€™s De Montfort Hall.