They say football is a gentleman’s game played by hooligans. That’s not quite true – they’re not hooligans – just stupid.
Sure they can run like there’s no tomorrow and have tremendous footwork skill but as soon as they open their mouths it’s a whole different ball game.
To be a footballer it must be a prerequisite that you’re as dense as dark matter or at the very least when they join a team they’re handed a book entitled ‘every cliché known to man that you must say during a television interview’.
Are we being harsh? Maybe. Do we care? Not really.
Saying that, with one of the highest IQ’s in the country Frank Lampard is living proof that there are anomalies to every trend. Or he’s just simply an oddball (sorry).
Lampard aside, prepare to feel very good about yourselves while we present a selection of some of the dumbest things ever said by those in the world of professional football.
“The World Cup is a truly international event.” – John Motson
“The important thing is that he shook hands with us over the phone.” – Alan Ball
“They didn’t change positions; they just moved the players around.” – Terry Venables
“What disappointed me was that we didn’t play with any passion. I’m not disappointed, you know, I’m just disappointed.” – Kevin Keegan
“The new season will be all about scoring more goals than the opposition.” – Alvin Martin
“We deserved to win this game after hammering them 0-0 in the first half.” – Kevin Keegan
“He has got his tactics wrong tactically.” – Mick Quinn
“If Glenn Hoddle said one word to his team at half-time, it was concentration and focus.” – Ron Atkinson
Copyright: Getty Images
“I’ve had 14 bookings this season – 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable” – Paul Gascoigne
“Chile have three options – they could win or they could lose.” – Kevin Keegan
“They [Swindon] are still finding that they are much happier when they have the ball than when the other side has it.” – Ron Jones
“I couldn’t settle in Italy – it was like living in a foreign country.” – Ian Rush
“Without being too harsh on David, he cost us the match.” – Ian Wright
‘Gomes had scored four goals for Portugal against Andorra, including a hat-trick.” - Bill O’Herlihy
“You can see the ball go past them, or the man, but you’ll never see both man and ball go past at the same time. So if the ball goes past, the man won’t, or if the man goes past, they’ll take the ball.” – Ron Atkinson
“Eighty per cent of teams who score first in matches go on to win them. But they may draw some – or occasionally lose.” – David Pleat
“Liverpool’s best chance ended when Beardsley shot himself.” – Daily Express match report
“…and France and Romania drew 1-0.” – Moira Stewart
“Ian Pearce has limped off with what looks like a shoulder injury.” – Tony Cottee
“The problem at Wimbledon seems to be that the club has suffered a loss of complacency.” – Joe Kinnear
“He reminds me of a completely different version of Robbie Earle.” – Mark Lawrenson
“His groin’s been a little sore but after the semi-final I put it to the back of my head.” – Michael Hughes
“… and so they have not been able to improve their 100% record.” – Reporter
“Hodge scored for Forest after 22 seconds – totally against the run of play.” – Peter Lorenzo
“It took a lot of bottle for Tony [Adams] to own up” – Ian Wright on his team mate’s admission of alcoholism
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“Wayne Rooney became the longest player to score in the Premier League” – BBCi
“Their football was exceptionally good – and they played some good football.” – Bobby Robson
“They (Rosenborg) have won 66 games, and they’ve scored in all of them.” – Brian Moore
